It's been a long road since May 18 2013

May 18th 2015 was the two year mark since I competed in my first bodybuilding competition.
While preparing for the competition, nothing was going to stop me. I followed my diet to a T, except for the brussels sprouts, just couldn't eat two cups at a meal, especially for breakfast.

Whenever I felt myself losing focus or starting to doubt myself, I turned to one of the people in my circle to get me back on track mentally.

When my body presented me with a health or mechanical challenge, I worked with either my naturopath, Dr. Seema Kanwal or my rolfer, Vernon Marshall of Skillful Touch to limit my down time. 

I don't remember ever being so focused on a goal in my life. By the time I stepped on stage I knew I had done everything I possibly could and it showed, I won third place; one of the proudest moments of my life.

Here's my reality of the last two years! I have not shared this with many people other than those very close to me.

I had good intentions of getting back in the gym and preparing for provincials in June 2014.
After completing the bodybuilding competition my body crashed. I woke up one morning two weeks after my competition with pain in both of my hands. Some days I needed two hands to hold a glass, I felt like I had arthritis. I tried to work out, go for a hike or a run and when I did I was exhausted for days after.

My gut was completely messed up, I had no idea how to eat or what to eat to make it happy, my stomach had been affected by the limited diet. Anything I ate caused my stomach to bloat, I felt awful. I didn't want to go out because after I ate I had such bad stomach gas or diarrhea, I was in pain.

I had fierce sugar/simple carb cravings, my body was so fatigued, it needed carbs to replenish the energy stores. 

Everyone who I relied on during my competition prep told me, this was normal and my body would adjust.

Then my blood tests revealed my kidneys and liver were struggling. In fact I had non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. What had I done? Would I recover? Have I now affected my health for the rest of my life? I was scared, terrified actually.

How could I be in the best shape of my life and looking twenty years younger and feel worse than I had ever felt in my life?

Reality is my body needed time to heal. I pushed my body hard because I was so determined to reach my goal.

After the competition, I faced the realization that the body I presented on stage was just for that day. I needed to be realistic about my day to day body going forward. 

As the weeks went on I had no choice but to slow down and rest and return to a more normal pace, I felt the fatigue and pain set in more each day. 

  

I started going through periods of depression. I knew that not being able to work out I would lose my muscle and that really bothered me. I worked so hard to gain the muscle and did it all naturally. My body was swollen and inflamed. No matter what I did, my weight continued to climb. Last summer was the worst, I had now gained 20 pounds. I knew in all logic I had everything to be thankful for, yet all I wanted to do was die. It scared the hell out of me! I was also too scared to reach out to anyone, I was embarrassed I felt that way. Everyone perceived me as being so strong, I could get through anything, how could I let them down. I was afraid I would be judged or people would say "just decide to be happy." Honestly when someone told me that, I just wanted to slap them!

The only thing I focused on was my mom. I fought through every day of deep scary sadness for her. I could not end my life in selfishness and break her heart.

My depression caused me to seclude myself. I only went for walks after dark. I spent a lot of time alone and journaled to try and get the awful thoughts out of my head.

I was angry! Why did this happen to me? I worked so hard! I ate what I was told to eat during my competition prep! I did all of the workouts I was supposed to do! Wasn't I supposed to be healthier?

What I didn't realize was, through the whole process I was actually on a journey. A journey that gave me the confidence to make some major changes in my life. While preparing for my competition I realized I had a passion for nutrition and left the corporate world in August 2013 to return to school.

After my competition I also connected with Ingrid Barclay of Body Conquest in Geelong Australia. I had found Ingrid's Facebook site, Figure It Out-An Honest Insight Into Sports Model and Figure In Australia, one night about 12 weeks before my competition date. I sent her a note as I was very interested in her posts and how she worked with her athletes, something resonated with me.

A year after my competition I hired Ingrid to help me get back in shape. Little did I know it wasn't just physical, I now had some huge mental blocks. In the end getting my body back in shape wasn't going to happen until my mental state changed. The smallest set backs threw me further into depression and increased my lack of ambition.

One of the best things Ingrid asked me to do was to have my body write a letter to me. You are probably thinking "WHAT?? That's crazy!" Actually, no it's not. Ingrid said, "do you think your body would stay with you if it had a choice?"

Sitting down to write the letter at first seemed weird, but after a few sentences I was amazed at the words I was writing down. My body had a lot to say! The tears flowed as my body wrote the letter. My heart broke because I hadn't been listening to my body for so many years. It continued to support me no matter what I did or ate but it had finally reached it's breaking point. I will be forever grateful for Ingrid and the guidance she gave me during such a difficult time. She is an amazing person with so much wisdom.

Since September 2014, at the age of 53, I have been following my passion and attending the Institute of Holistic Nutrition.

Following my passion gave me new hope, it gave me purpose.

When I started school the very first course was causing lightbulbs go off. With each course I attended, pieces of the puzzle where slowly coming together. Years of stressful relationships and stressful jobs started to affect my health, the competition was the last straw. I now realize I was in adrenal fatigue even before starting my competition, and after the competition probably very close to adrenal collapse. My quest began to start to heal my body. I wanted my health back and I was willing to do whatever I had to do to get it back.

So where is my body at today? I'm happy to say for the first time in two years the pain in my hands is starting to subside. I have more energy and my gut is so much better. I still have healing to do, it is a process. 

I can say with all of my heart and soul I now realize how important our gut is to our health, not just physically but also mentally. I no longer fall into periods of deep depression because of focusing on healing my gut.

I believe everything I have been through was for a reason. I truly understand and listen with compassion when my clients share their health challenges. What I do know, is if they are willing to make some changes, food can help to heal them as well.

I feel privileged and honoured whenever a client gives me their trust to help them heal their body.

Today's Superfood Is...

It feels like every day I read about a new superfood or food source we should include in our eating habits or lifestyle. If we do we can live a healthy, happy and energetic life hopefully free of major diseases.

Here's the issue, if we don't take time to research this new food source or even common food source and how it should be eaten we could be causing ourselves more harm than good.

How many of us take the time or even have the time to do the research?

We might catch a portion of a conversation on television or the radio. Reading an article while waiting somewhere but didn't get to the end of the article where it covers the precautions. Perhaps a friend shared information they heard from another source, they didn't catch all the details but what they did catch is it is the next cure for__________; you fill in the blank.

We've all been told kale is very healthy for us to eat. I agree completely, kale is very good for us to eat along with all the other veggies in the cruciferous or brassica family. Kale, broccoli, cabbage, rutabaga, turnips, kohlrabi, cabbage, collard greens, cauliflower and Brussels sprouts are all part of the family.

Did you know if you have issues with your thyroid you should not eat these veggies raw? They should be lightly steamed or sautéed even if you are including them in a smoothie.

Another superfood which should also be avoided if you have thyroid issues is Maca. It originated in Peru and comes from the same family. 

This article is not meant to detail foods that should or should not be consumed if you have a thyroid issue.

My concern is, we are more connected than ever before and are constantly bombarded with information.

If you are thinking of making some food changes in your life I recommend you spend time doing some research. 

If you have certain health conditions a simple Google search with your condition and the new food you want to incorporate is a good start. For example, raw kale and thyroid; will return pages of sites to read.

The same goes for medications; research a supplement or herb to see if there is a contraindication or check with your pharmacist.

Before I provide any advice or even something as simple as a recipe I need to make sure it won’t further complicate an existing condition.

As a nutritional consultant my due diligence and obligation is to understand my client’s current state of health through a detailed questionnaire.

Food is to be enjoyed, I recommend everything in moderation.

In this age of information make sure you have yours.

Face Your Fear or Get Your Ass Kicked!

Those of you that followed my journey to compete in my first figure competition last year at the age of 51, know how often I was in the gym. I was with my trainer at least three times a week and added in another two days on my own. The last twelve weeks of preparation I was in the gym almost 3 hours a day, six days a week, it was almost my second home. I kept that schedule for 8 months. Prior to preparing for my competition I would be in the gym maybe three days a week for an hour. 
People at Club 16 knew me, they saw the transformation, all the staff greeted me when I walked in the door! Those of you that are old enough, it felt like walking into Cheers, except no alcohol.
After my competition, my body was tired, I went to the gym a couple of times but my body was not able to handle the workouts. I started to see my physique change but I knew I needed to heal my body.
As time went on and I started to put on some weight, suddenly I had a fear inside of me; how could I return to the gym with the extra pounds! As each day went on the fear grew and so did my waistline, I was losing my muscle tone and my confidence.
I worked on healing my body from the hard workouts and acclimating my gut back to a more regular diet.
As the months went on I knew my body was healing and my diet was normal, it was time to start working out again. What I saw in the mirror was holding me back, there was no way I would be sporting my spray tan body, toned abs and cute booty shorts.
I remember the first time I went to the gym; about 7 years ago a friend showed me how to use the weight machines and helped me with exercises using the free weights. My fear made me feel like I was starting all over and walking into the gym for the first time.
The silly things is this time I know how to do the exercises, I had a workout routine, I was on track with the right nutrition but just couldn't get myself to put on my gym clothes and go.
I stopped by to visit a good friend at her office, we both competed in figure on the same day and she was the best flatmate ever. 
As we talked she eventually pried out of me what was going on, I told her I was afraid to go workout, I was afraid to walk in the door. 
Shared with her I had gained 17 pounds since the competition, showed her the sad state of my abs and we both giggled a little and she said "so what, who cares!"
Then she asked me what I was doing for the rest of the day; I replied "nothing, just going home".
She said okay then you can go home, find your workout gear in the back of your closet. Her next question was do you have a program; I said yes.
Her next statement was "you have until 7:00pm to send me a selfie of you in the gym. If you don't send me a selfie I am going to kick your ass!"
I knew she wouldn't really kick my ass but I knew she wanted me to face my fear and get back to what made me feel good. She was also holding me accountable to her and myself.
I left her office, went home, put my gear together, wrote my exercises in my training diary and headed to Club 16. I didn't want to break my promise to her; she knew by making me promise I would go and she knew I would face my fear and feel better overall.
It had been almost 11 months since my last workout. I sent her the before workout selfie and the after workout selfie. She asked me how I felt; I said I was proud of myself and I felt great! She told me she was proud of me as well. I'm so grateful for her, I'm blessed to have such wonderful caring friends.
I'm sharing all of this to let you know that regardless of what I have achieved in the past doesn't mean a fear or insecurity won't pop up again in the future.
The other silly thing is there wasn't a person in the gym I knew, they could have cared less about what my abs looked like or any other part of my body for that matter. But to be clear, my abs were hidden and the cute booty shorts are still in the closet.
If making a change means being accountable to someone else to get you started then do it...you have nothing to lose and so much to gain.
In my case I regained my confidence as to what I can do and how I feel after a good workout. I will be sore tomorrow but this will be a good muscle soreness.
Next workout on Monday!
I think this story pertains to life in general, it is okay to have fears but we don't have to go it alone, its okay to ask for support.