Since that day, I watched my extreme fit body transform to a "normal" body. I put normal in quotations because what is normal, who decides what is normal. Is there one all knowing person on this earth or a governing panel of what normal is?
Today I saw a quote on Pinterest which said "You are so used to seeing your features, you don't know how beautiful you look to a stranger".
The quote made me stop and think for a moment, I thought "how true!"
For eight months I watched my body transform; first into the bulking body which is a process of gaining muscle and fat. Then leaning down to a body with around 10% fat, which for a woman is not healthy to maintain for any period of time.
I have also shared how exhausted I was; body, mind and soul and needed time to rebuild my overall health.
What I haven't shared is the body issues I have had over the last year.
As I saw my competition body disappear each day I became more disappointed in myself for letting all my hard work go and I became very self-conscious of my body in general. I didn't like looking at my naked body in the mirror. Most mornings I get up, I look at my abs with regret.
Prior to deciding to prepare for the competition I was happy with my body. It took many years to become comfortable with the naked body I saw in the mirror.
When I was younger I was small in size and as I started to mature, let's just say I did not have the curves other girls did. I always compared myself to them and rated myself second best amongst my friends when it came to physical appearance.
It took until my mid forties to embrace and love my body.
I think part of it comes from what I see in magazines or on the various social media feeds of the fit women. I say to myself, "I was there; why didn't I do the right things to keep the body I worked so hard for?"
Perhaps for me that isn't the body I should have, I'm naturally lean. I need to figure out the right balance in my life and my workouts to have a body I can sustain for the balance of my life.
Maybe deep down my body knows what it needs and it has been trying to tell me but I haven't been listening. All I've been doing is looking at it in disappointment and regret.
The first thing I need to do is to start loving what I see in the mirror everyday. I need to stop taking what I see for granted. I need to also remember who I am as a person, as a woman. I need to stop comparing myself to other women's bodies.
What I achieved in eight short months at the age of 51 was truly amazing and something I will always be proud of. Winning third place at the Western Canadian Bodybuilding Show was a moment of time in my life and my life journey carries on.
The sooner I love every state of my body the sooner I will be happy with the woman I see in the mirror everyday.
Whether you are a man or a woman; Love Yourself, That's Beautiful!
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